• Bernadette

Our Missed Miscarriage

If you’ve been following along on our IG, today we posted a recap to my 30th birthday at Sandals Royal Barbados!

We left an easter egg in there - the day I told Steven I was pregnant.


I found out of my pregnancy 2 days prior to our stay at Sandals and I wanted to keep it a surprise for Steven until we got to the resort. So Steven’s epic birthday surprise for me also turned into a special surprise for him.

This year I was diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), so late periods was nothing new to me.

For those who aren’t familiar, PCOS is a:

hormonal disorder common among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods or excess male hormone (androgen) levels. The ovaries may develop numerous small collections of fluid (follicles) and fail to regularly release eggs.

Even though this period was much later than the last, we were more focused on maintaining a healthy lifestyle and monitoring my eating habits to lessen the symptoms of PCOS. So needless to say, pregnancy was not the first priority for us. but, after not seeing my period in over a month, I decided it was best to take a pregnancy test just to be sure.

That was the day I found out we were pregnant!

Our 1st trimester was an exhausting but an exciting journey plagued with numerous pregnancy symptoms which ended with a “missed miscarriage”. I was experiencing:

  • bloating

  • constipation

  • nausea

  • tender breasts

  • fatigue (no one really talks about the fatigue but this bit followed by the nausea was the most difficult part of the first trimester)

At 7 weeks, we had our first ultra sound and hearing the heartbeat of our healthy baby brought smiles to our faces. Wow - this is really happening, Steven and I were are going to be parents!


We were given the images from our ultrasounds, scheduled for our next check up and sent on our way with grins on our faces. We were scheduled for our next check up at 12 weeks, the end of our 1st trimester - that 5 week wait was nerve wrecking while we prayed that all will be well.


You see, miscarriages are pretty common. Anywhere from 10% - 20% (depending on where you get your stats) of expecting mothers experience a miscarriage so while we were excited to tell our loved ones, we knew there was a possibility of a miscarriage but still wanted our family and close friends to be part of this new journey with us - the good and the bad.


At our 12 week check up, our doctor noticed that the size of our baby didn't seem correct for 12 weeks. So we did a transvaginal ultrasound and that's when he [our doctor] confirmed that our baby stopped developing at 8 weeks and that I had a "missed miscarriage".


A missed miscarriage comes with no obvious symptoms, no bleeding, no cramps to suggest that something might be wrong - nothing. Matter of fact, your body doesn't even recognize this pregnancy loss nor does it expel the pregnancy tissue. Therefore, the placenta may continue to release hormones, so you may continue to experience signs of pregnancy. And that here I was at 11 weeks thinking to myself, wow, these pregnant symptoms suck but I'll take it because pregnancy symptoms (on my mind) was a direct correlation to healthy (and living) baby - not knowing that our baby wasn't there anymore.


That excitement turned into sadness. I even felt the sadness from my doctor and the nurse. These are people who I have been seeing for the last 5 years for birth control and routine checkups.


Then we felt it.


Even at 3 months, we loved that baby without even meeting him/her.


Following that, our doctor advised us of the options available to us. We decided on the D&C procedure the same day as we were fearful of my body expelling the tissue in the middle of the night with curfew protocols still in place and having to go through that by ourselves. Also, 4 weeks later and my body still didn't know about the miscarriage, frankly I wasn't too sure when it would receive the message.


After a few days of being at home while working when the medication allowed, I finally got out on day 4. Steven and I aren't the type to wallow in our sorrows at home, so we got out for some lunch and took our little puppy for an adventure. That day we saw a few people we knew and were plagued with questions like "when is the baby coming", "are you trying" and It was such an awkward day - how do you tell people "frankly yes we tried but I was told last week about a miscarriage".


Ultimately, this weekend motivated me to write about our experience because pregnancy is such an emotional time in a couples life and pressure from outside can be annoying. Also, you can never be sure of what the couple is going through or just went through. I know it's coming from a place of kindness but how about we stop asking couples/females those sort of questions?


To those who congratulated us in the post - thank you - our baby will be forever a part of our lives and our story and to whomever is reading this blog post after experiencing something like this, I truly hope you're okay. And thanks to all of our family and close friends that we talked to about this with and were there for us - we love you all and rest assured that once Steven and I have each other - we will be okay.